i'm happy now than i ever was (:

I was looking through the blogs of demyx people and I came across this one blog about a girl talking about her dad. So here it goes.

I've had so much hate against my birth dad. He left my mom when I was still in her stomach and when I finally came out she tried to tell him about me and send pictures. He never appreciated it and told her to stop sending them. I remember before she told me about this I used to always call for my dad when my mom would get mad at me. When I did she would say "Why are you calling for him when he didn't even want you? He will never love you like I do." I would defend myself and say she's wrong and it would just go on. I always cried for him because I wanted to be selfish and have two people love me. Every time my birthday would come, I would wish for him to come home and tell me why he's been gone all this time. It was so hard for me because I always wanted a daddy figure. I wanted to go up to my dad and tell him about how boys are so icky and even have him say to me that I'm "daddy's girl.", and that he will always protect me. I always wanted him to be there when we went on trips out of Stockton. There was this one time where I wanted to tape a picture of him with me and my mom at Disneyland, but I couldn't find one of him ): so instead I drew a picture of him of how he would look. When I was out of that phase, I always got attached to my mom's boyfriends and I never understood why they didn't last. But as I kept getting older, everything started making sense. I was finally able to talk to my real dad. I was a Freshmen in high school at the Philippines. As my uncle dialed the number, I was getting nervous and furious at the same time. I kept thinking of what to say and what to ask. Somehow I still managed to smile while I was talking to him. Although it was a short conversation, I will never forget what we talked about. I wanted to cry in his face so bad and make him feel sorry for what he has done to me for 15 years. Making me believe that he always wanted to see me and that he was going to be there for me. Gawd.. there were just so many questions that were gathering in my mind. When he actually asked me to forgive him for not being a father to me, I said Idk we'll see. It was right there when I said I'll ttyl and hung up. After that I went straight to the chapel. I prayed and asked God what I should do. I finally got it in my heart to forgive him. Although he wasn't the father I hoped to be, he was still my father that helped bring me to this world. 

It's been almost 4 years since that day and I still think of him and cry that things were better. But my mom's been playing both roles for the longest time and I give her thumbs up. I love her and my step dad no doubt. It's just I wanted to be his daddy's girl ):

Did anyone else find this website thanks to Demyx from Kingdom Hearts?

Are you keen on watching tennis set? A serious duel that took place yesterday surpassed all the supporters’ expectations. Even the chair umpire could hardly cope with crying out the scores. Federer was strong and confident as usual and Nadal captured the triumph despite the knee problems (Picture 1).

All the matches of this year are not less interesting than the previous year. Being subjected to the shifting sands of the fortune, the strongest tennis players cannot be insured against the falls and the rises. Anyway, tennis always overwhelms me with emotions since I am always on the track when watching the ball flying from one racket to another (Picture 2). That day I skipped my class on literature and now I do not know how to do my academic writing. However, I try to overtake the lost time but only after the tennis season is over. Besides, as I study at the school of sport medicine, the observation of games can contribute to doing my essay writing online on the most frequent injuries connected with professional sport. This is the case when one can mix business with pleasure. Hence, while enjoying the matches, I had an opportunity to follow players’ physical health, however awkward it may sound. I also advise you to visit this event, which, I believe, is the most spectacular activity taking place in the world of tennis. I must pay tribute to those who created this fascinating kind of sport attracting millions of fans.

I have been looking through old pictures and I remember when I was thin/thick and loving it. But there was always something wrong. No guy appreciated with how I looked. They were always looking for those name brand kind of girls. It doesn't mean that I don't know how to dress myself. I just choose to be different. Is there any guy that isn’t so judge mental? Just because I don’t flaunt with pictures of my outfit or whatever, doesn’t mean I don’t have a bad personality. Why can’t you guys just be blunt in the beginning instead of waisting a ladies time? If a ladie set standards on looks first before even getting into a conversation then it shows how low her personality is and vice versa. It always putted me down when he didn’t like what I was wearing. Never did he appreciate it. When will anyone accept me, period. 

I think I should really stop all this drama and finally stop things.

It's hard
to see him sad when you know you tried your hardest to make him happy. It’s hard to hear that all he wants is another chance when you know you don’t want to give it out of pity. It’s hard to deal with his ways because you know you already know he won’t appreciate it. It’s hard to make him smile when you know it’s going to go back to a frown when he’s not with you. It’s hard to talk with him when you know he doesn’t listen. It just gets harder everyday

With the homies. Water balloon fights never get old especially when my mom joins us and she’s 60. Lol Now the guys are playing pusoy with her and she’s beating em :) Pwahaha

I'm not fabulous, I'm not ballin, but I am just a simple lady trying to find my way through these rough obstacles.

we were fine a couple days ago and all of a sudden the same situation or new one comes barging in! Wtf is that MF! Does he see that it turns me into the ugliest bitch when he pins something on me? And how he puts me down, it just makes me think so negative. Now he wants to say that when it comes to my friends I’m always there, and when it comes to him I’m always making excuses? Really now? My mom hates me driving because I have no job to replace the gas I use. My mom is the reason why I have gas in my car. Acting like it’s really easy to get a job. Especially in this piece of shit ass city. I always took the bus for him. The fucking BUS! What girl does that? I did that, just for him. I was always the one sacrificing my time. All the waiting, waiting in the ghetto, and using mymoney. You think all that was just for fun? You think I didn’t put my love into it? I did it for YOU. We did a lot of sacrificing for each other so stop thinking it’s okay to put me down. Not everything you say is very nice to hear. I gave the choice to still be there for you, to still talk to you. But I’m getting the thought that we should cool it off on the talking. You apparently can’t control yourself. I don’t want to keep hurting you, even though i’m not doing anything. It’s like you keep finding something to cause a problem. You’ve been doing that for as long as I remember. Damn :( I think just being around me is hurting you. Sigh… I hate this.